A week and some change...

Hello everyone and welcome to my (hopeful) blog about my semester spent in Havana, Cuba.

This past summer I had an amazing opportunity to spend 6 weeks with an amazing host family in Leon, Nicaragua as part of the Center for Latin American Studies (CLAS) Field Trip Seminar they sponsor every summer to a different area of Latin America. Part of this program was living with a host family and experiencing Nicaraguan culture, more essentially: a study abroad experience. The twist, however, was that it was officially a research based field trip designed for students to conduct research and write a paper based on our findings. I had another blog devoted to this time, but I unfortunately did not keep up with it that much, and I was a little distracted most of the time (in a good way). My research was done a little... naively, I would say. But I did manage to write a pretty hefty paper focused on the toils and tribulations that Native Nicaraguan English teachers go through, with both their and their students' experiences mentioned in the paper. If you ever want to read it/skim through it, shoot me an email before I leave for Cuba, or after I return.

I loved my abroad experience this summer.... I met amazing friends both from Pitt and the lovely city of Leon. I couldn't have asked for a better family. Well technically it felt like two! I slept basically at the grandparents' house and hung out mostly in a pharmacy (so interesting). My host mom was the most hilarious and hardworking woman EVER, my host dad was the proudest and most hardworking man EVER, my host brothers and sisters (when I saw them, they lived at the other house and traveled often to Managua) were inviting and shared the same sarcastic, witty, funny spirit of their mom (my host dad was their step-father, but they definitely treated him as their biological father). My host cousin was most like my host sister, always working at the pharmacy everyday except for Saturday when she would go to classes to study Pharmacy.

I was a bit naive jumping into that program, I was a freshman looking for opportunity and I wanted to continue to distinguish myself from the rest. It wasn't enough to move across the country, it wasn't enough to live in the honors dorm (which I will always appreciate, no matter what), it wasn't enough to have one of the craziest jobs on campus, and it wasn't enough to take 18 credit hours second semester--I needed something more. I found this program and was enthralled by how mature it sounded. I would be in control of a project that I would choose.

So I spent a semester in the class leading up to the journey, discussing project ideas, learning about Nicaragua, reading books, reading articles, hearing speakers, all the while ignoring the fact that I really had NO idea what I was doing. It was an opportunity. Opportunities happen anywhere and everywhere and for me they usually just fit right in and I can handle them fairly well. This journey, however, was a bit too much for me, and in hindsight the cost was substantial and the outcome was less than desired. I did, however, take with me the most important and crucial aspect: love for Latin America and studying abroad.

I came home over the summer and well... kind of fell into a stupor. I don't want to go into too many details, but it involves a lot of the past, freshman year, the future, and an over-thinking, anxious brain (mine). The stupor still tugs at me today as I am writing this, but I am getting over it. I have made several positive decisions to push me forward and have tried my best to keep pressures and worries to a smaller scale, to make this crazy transition in my life possible. I couldn't imagine that going to college would be this intense, and I definitely went into the journey naive and full of expectations, ignorant beliefs, and an overly confident attitude. Being honest, I wasn't prepared for college life as best as I could have. The years of self-medicating and self-philosophizing (this makes sense to me (: ) were definitely warped and manipulated in ways that I didn't imagine. I wasn't emotionally/mentally/physically prepared for the transition, but I'm glad I did it. I have met amazing people and have conquered a year and a half (ish) away from my comfort zone, and although the toll has been hefty, I am still trucking on and refuse to stop.

I decided halfway through 1st semester this year, I needed a change. I was of course going to finish the semester, but I didn't know whether this change meant transferring schools, quitting altogether or if it was something minor like switching majors, or quitting my job. I decided I needed a completely new atmosphere that wasn't shrouded by people I truly care for, and I figured I'd study abroad. I figured a new place with a new me was exactly what I would need/the only viable option if I were to stay at Pitt (for financial reasons), yet still be away. I didn't think I was actually going to study abroad, but I needed something different and I saw it right there on my facebook newsfeed: Pitt in Cuba. Was it a sign? Maybe. Did I decide to pursue it? Why not? It is a Pitt sponsored program which meant to me:

1. I didn't have to deal as hard with any bureaucratic bullshit regarding grades and credits transferring, financial aid covering costs, getting anything and everything approved--it can be a nightmare from what I've heard.
2. I didn't have to deal with any 3rd-party bullshit including weird application fees and requirements that I just did not want to worry about. I also wouldn't have to rely on them accepting me, me waiting to hear from them, and THEN starting step 1.
3. The program goes to CUBA! The mythical land stereotyped and ignored so heavily by US culture and public education, I figured I had to experience it for myself. Only a handful of schools even have this program in the US, so I should take advantage of something unique to Pitt to distinguish myself I suppose (sorry, graduating from a school with the 2nd tallest educational building in the world just doesn't cut it for me... but the nationality rooms... yeah, those make the cut).
4. Although the stereotypical study abroad stigma is easy classes and having fun, I was skeptical about the grades transferring as a letter grade back to main campus. That freaked me out. But, I've since learned the classes are less troublesome than normal, so BRING IT GPA STEROIDS.
5. I WANT TO LEARN SPANISH. I am definitely pretty proficient in Spanish... but Cuban Spanish is a different story. I learned a lot of Central American Spanish being in Nicaragua and so I'm hoping I can adjust pretty well, then transform into a beautiful Spanish rambling gringo.
6. I am tired of the US right now. No, just wait, hear (read?) me out.... I'm not some anti-establishment, uber-liberal, crazy student who spent a week in Mexico who thinks I have a right to betray the homeland. Everything has just felt SO politically-charged here recently that it's just blowing my mind. I am exhausted of environmental disasters, horrible economies, lying politicians, assaults on civil liberties, the Wikileaks/Julian Assange issue becoming a new pseudo-McCarthyism-witch-hunt-crusade-wild-goose-chase-of-Indiana-Jones-with-some-super-secret-relic-or-secret-that-will-completely-change-the-world-look-how-long-this-is-it-probably-isn't-anywhere-near-grammatical; (a semi-colon felt appropriate there) so I am just tired of everyday something new and tension causing is creating a huge dichotomy in this country that is just disgusting to watch. Where is the unity? Where is the discussion? People are so rooted in their ways nowadays (compared to my vast experiences in the past as a 19 year old :|), that it's even hard to ask each other to sacrifice five minutes for a favor or ask a friend to do something that is not their top choice. Not saying I'm not stubborn, but when I relinquish my stubbornness and see so much still emitting from everyone like it was their natural body odor, it irritates me. I want that stereotypical laid-back Caribbean lifestyle. I know I won't necessarily have it, but I want a place where it's normal to take 20 minutes to stroll somewhere without worrying your late, I want to not exist in an atmosphere where the "American Dream" pushes people to all-nighters and sketchy, back-stabbing competition. The "American Dream" as I see it, isn't valid for me, nor is it even correct in it's very derivation. "America" expands 2 contents and 35 countries, a fraction of which experience what we stole as the "American Dream". I've put myself under a lot of pressure to keep up with the Jones': AP credit, Honors classes, joining clubs, taking exams, going to college, getting a job, joining new clubs, getting an assistantship, taking way too many credit hours than I should be and I just want to say: for now I am done.
7. I know it's ironic: I'm leaving one politically charged country and entering CUBA, one of the most famous countries known for its super-charged-politics; but alas that's not what I'm after.

Sorry if this is turning into a huge rant that makes me sound like an uber hippie punk that took a 6 week vacation and came back as a "changed man", seeing the world anew and fighting for world peace. That is very true, I might have come back a changed man, I do see the world anew, and world peace will always be a distant dream that I will probably never see, but I do have opinions regarding inequality and world history/politics based in my education, that would probably group me with these crazy hippie liberals (but I'll keep off your lawn).

Cuba for me isn't about anything political (as I mentioned), nor is it anything about me wanting to change lives or share with the world the horrors of an "underdeveloped" country; it's about me right now, and that's all I want it to be. I will take pictures of children, some probably wearing dirty shoes with holes, people, going about their lives selling fruit, art, or clothes, the ambiance, the run down buildings, almost mummified 50s Chevrolets, but remember this is their reality, and you have yours. Don't compare development from the United States to a place like Cuba. Every country has its own organic, personal development model that works for that country. Sometimes things get hazy, children are hungry, people die, wars start--but it's their country, their situation, and most importantly their business. We can and should help, of course, if needed and wanted, but we shouldn't look down with pity at the poor children playing with sticks and rocks or the $2 paycheck an employee will receive for the day, try to just accept their situation without comparison and try to understand how this happened in the first place. Education! Either it'll freak you out, enlighten you, bore you, or simply let you pass on by.

I wrote this straight through and it might not make sense, maybe I'll edit, maybe I won't, but I hope you have some insight into what I am doing, who I am, and what I'm thinking. A lot of people ask "why Cuba?" and the answer isn't straightforward, at all: a little escape, a little adventure, a little self-renewal/acquisition, whatever. Superficially: I'm going to be living in La Habana, a walk away from the ocean, enjoying mild, summer-like weather, hearing Spanish everywhere I go, seeing a place almost trapped in colonial times, and hopefully making relationships with people, places, and overall the experience itself.